DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?"Junior asks his dad,
His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies,
Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a
chat room on YAHOO .Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded
room, where your mother agreed to a download from my
hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we
discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,
but it was too late to hit the delete button."
Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message
saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized
program activity from a self extracting file which had
implanted itself in her BIOS. Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said:
'You've Got Male'!"
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Husbands for Sale!!!
A store that sells husbands to single women opens where a woman may go to choose from many available men. At the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
There are only six floors. It states that the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: As you open the door to any floor you may choose any man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, Jane decides to go to the Husband Store to find herself a mate.
She gets to the first floor and the sign says:
"Floor 1 - These men have jobs."
She figures she can do better, so she goes up the next flight.
"Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids."
Not bad, she decides, but what about companionship? She moves on.
"Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking."
Wow, she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and sign reads:
"Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework."
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the 5th floor, where the sign reads:
"Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor #46,012 to this floor today. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step when you exit the building and have a nice day!
There are only six floors. It states that the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: As you open the door to any floor you may choose any man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, Jane decides to go to the Husband Store to find herself a mate.
She gets to the first floor and the sign says:
"Floor 1 - These men have jobs."
She figures she can do better, so she goes up the next flight.
"Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids."
Not bad, she decides, but what about companionship? She moves on.
"Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking."
Wow, she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and sign reads:
"Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework."
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the 5th floor, where the sign reads:
"Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor #46,012 to this floor today. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step when you exit the building and have a nice day!
Marriage Counselling...
A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
The Late Shift ..
A police officer, though scheduled for all night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2:00 in the morning.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.
Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Sweetie, would you go down to the all night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you -- aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"
"Yeah, so?" said the officer.
"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?"
Posted April 22, 2006 8:00 AM
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.
Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Sweetie, would you go down to the all night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you -- aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"
"Yeah, so?" said the officer.
"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?"
Posted April 22, 2006 8:00 AM
Three women friends :
Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married, and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.
After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role-playing.
The following week they met up again to compare notes.
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!"
The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"
The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask."
"Well?!," exclaimed the other two. "What happened?!"
"When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'"
After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role-playing.
The following week they met up again to compare notes.
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!"
The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"
The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask."
"Well?!," exclaimed the other two. "What happened?!"
"When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'"
After this, Think twice about what you do ... lol
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds
of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell,
the wife gives up, quickly wraps her self up in a towel and
runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands
Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob
says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that
you have on" after thinking for a moment, the woman
drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a
few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused,
but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back
up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back
to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who
was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor, "
she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did
he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds
of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell,
the wife gives up, quickly wraps her self up in a towel and
runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands
Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob
says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that
you have on" after thinking for a moment, the woman
drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a
few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused,
but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back
up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back
to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who
was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor, "
she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did
he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Thursday, August 28, 2008
and a few more for :-D
There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has her.
A man who surrenders when he is WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he is NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders even when he is RIGHT, is a HUSBAND
Fact of life:
One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
Lady to her maid : Oh Kantabai, I think my husband is having an affair with his secretary.
Kantabai : I don't believe it! You are just saying that to make me jealous!"
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "what ?"
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has her.
A man who surrenders when he is WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he is NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders even when he is RIGHT, is a HUSBAND
Fact of life:
One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
Lady to her maid : Oh Kantabai, I think my husband is having an affair with his secretary.
Kantabai : I don't believe it! You are just saying that to make me jealous!"
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "what ?"
Best Break Up letter Ever
A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home.
It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between usis just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice,since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love,
Becky
....... .......The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for anysnapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters orex-girlfriends.
In additionto the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the otherpictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I
can't quite remember who the hell you are.Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back tome.
Take Care,
Ricky
It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between usis just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice,since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love,
Becky
....... .......The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for anysnapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters orex-girlfriends.
In additionto the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the otherpictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I
can't quite remember who the hell you are.Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back tome.
Take Care,
Ricky
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Sign off with a laugh ...
In France, the young assistant priests do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the priest and his housekeeper. One day the priest invited his new young assistant priest to have dinner at the rectory. While being served, the young priest noticed how shapely and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his heart he wondered if there was more between the priest and the housekeeper.
After the meal was over, the middle-aged priest assured the young priest that everything was purely professional...that she was the housekeeper and cook and that was that. About a week later the housekeeper came to the priest and said, "Father, ever since the new assistant came for dinner I have not been able to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?" The priest said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter."
So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Father, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing since you were here for dinner."
The young assistant received the letter and he answered it as follows: "Dear Father priest, I'm not saying that you do sleep with the housekeeper and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with the housekeeper. But I do know for sure that if you slept in your own bed you would find the gravy ladle."
After the meal was over, the middle-aged priest assured the young priest that everything was purely professional...that she was the housekeeper and cook and that was that. About a week later the housekeeper came to the priest and said, "Father, ever since the new assistant came for dinner I have not been able to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?" The priest said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter."
So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Father, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing since you were here for dinner."
The young assistant received the letter and he answered it as follows: "Dear Father priest, I'm not saying that you do sleep with the housekeeper and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with the housekeeper. But I do know for sure that if you slept in your own bed you would find the gravy ladle."
Yet another one...
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!!!!!!!"
"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!!!!!!!"
Another Funny Story ...
The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.
The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.
The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."
LMAO ...
A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay there, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. "Jerves," she said."Take off my dress." He did this carefully."Jerves," she continued." Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her. "Jerves," she then said. "Remove my bra and panties." As he did this, the tension continued to mount.
She looked at him and then said, "Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay there, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. "Jerves," she said."Take off my dress." He did this carefully."Jerves," she continued." Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her. "Jerves," she then said. "Remove my bra and panties." As he did this, the tension continued to mount.
She looked at him and then said, "Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
What came first...
A chicken and an egg were laying next to each other in bed.
The chicken was smoking a cigarette, and with a very pissed-off look the egg said, "Well.... I guess that answers *THAT* long asked question!"
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Crooked Logic ...
Grape->Wine
Sugarcane->Rum
Grains->Whisky
Berries->Gin
fruits, vegetables->Vodka
bottomline : there is not much value if you are young and fresh,you got to ripe and ferment to be worthy and dangerous. what do u think ?
Sugarcane->Rum
Grains->Whisky
Berries->Gin
fruits, vegetables->Vodka
bottomline : there is not much value if you are young and fresh,you got to ripe and ferment to be worthy and dangerous. what do u think ?
An Indian who wannabe a true American
An Indian migrated to America , and moved into an American neighbourhood;
His American neighbour went next door to wish him welcome.He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself.
Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.
The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again.
When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till the next day, he went on with other stuff.
The third day, he was determined to welcome the Indian man. At his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt.
Seeing this, he became disgusted and went up to the Indian man.
"I'm sorry sir, I did want to wish you a warm welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Indian customs!" He yelled at the Indian .
The Indian looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually American customs. I was told, that in order to be a true American, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bullshit.
His American neighbour went next door to wish him welcome.He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself.
Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.
The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again.
When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till the next day, he went on with other stuff.
The third day, he was determined to welcome the Indian man. At his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt.
Seeing this, he became disgusted and went up to the Indian man.
"I'm sorry sir, I did want to wish you a warm welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Indian customs!" He yelled at the Indian .
The Indian looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually American customs. I was told, that in order to be a true American, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bullshit.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Nano ya na Mano
Some may come true, some may not. I hope most may not. But remember you first read them here.
-
The first prediction: Every blogger who takes him/herself a little too seriously will write about the Nano!
-
90% of the first 1 million Tata Nano’s sold will be bought by those who already have 1, 2 or more cars. And this proportion shall not change for quite some, as the Tata production lines will struggle to cope with the deluge of pre-booked orders. This would obviously lead to a premium being charged, and the car will be available only in ‘black’ (No, I am not referring to the Henry Ford Model T colour!), and therefore only the ‘haves’ will become ‘have-even-mores’
-
Pollution will get reduced dramatically after an initial upsurge. Obviously with traffic queues starting right at the doorstep of car showrooms only a fraction of the entire cosmos of cars on roads would actually move. The others would simply switch off. You don’t want to run out of fuel at a 5-hour stop, right? And with most cars thus switched off, pollution would obviously be past its glory days!
-
Apple computers will file a trademarks infringement case against the Tatas. This would happen around the same time as Google search results for “nano” returning more cars than iPods! And the NRI cousin on being told, “I just bought a Nano” would stop asking “1GB or 4 GB?” Then next ‘big’ thing would then be to make Nano (the car) so small, as to be able to send it as an email attachment!
-
Tata Nano will record more sales the world over than India alone. And this will be stoutly resisted by the locals. “First you took our IT jobs, then BPO jobs and now you are taking away our cars too!” It’s a no-brainer to then predict that every time a Nano hits an Audi on a Sydney road, while the driver may or may not be hauled-up for rash driving, he will certainly have racism charges slapped on him!
- Other predictions include:
- A movie called ‘Nanoman‘
- A restaurant menu offering you plain or butter nan-o
- Sameer (the ‘dil‘ ‘jigar‘ lyricist) going into a ‘nano mein sapna‘ over-drive
- A Sunny Deol dialogue, “Na yes, Na no. Sirf Nano“
- A ZEE News programme ‘Nano ya na mano‘
Isnt it true ?
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
El Toro!
A man travels to Spain and goes to Pamplona during the great "running of the Bulls" festival.
After his first day there, he goes out late for dinner at a restuarant in the center of the town. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate ,with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects.
"What's this?" he asks.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.
"What are cojones?" the man asks.
"Cojones," the waiter explains, "are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."
At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious. In fact, it is so good that he decides to come back again the next night and order it again. This time, the waiter brings out the plate, but the meaty objects are much smaller.
"What's this?" he asks the waiter.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.
"No, no," the man objects. "I had cojones yesterday and they were much bigger than these."
"Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not lose every time."
After his first day there, he goes out late for dinner at a restuarant in the center of the town. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate ,with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects.
"What's this?" he asks.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.
"What are cojones?" the man asks.
"Cojones," the waiter explains, "are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."
At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious. In fact, it is so good that he decides to come back again the next night and order it again. This time, the waiter brings out the plate, but the meaty objects are much smaller.
"What's this?" he asks the waiter.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.
"No, no," the man objects. "I had cojones yesterday and they were much bigger than these."
"Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not lose every time."
Great Britain
There was once an englishman and a scotsman who lived next door to each other. The englishman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hens eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the scotsman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the scotsman pick up the egg. The englishman ran up to the scotsman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.The scotsman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the englishman said "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following message: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, whomever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The scotsman agreed to this and so the english man found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the scotsman and kicked as hard as he could in the balls.The scotsman fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the scotsman stood up and said "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The englishman said "Keep the !@#%#$@#$!@% egg."
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the scotsman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the scotsman pick up the egg. The englishman ran up to the scotsman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.The scotsman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the englishman said "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following message: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, whomever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The scotsman agreed to this and so the english man found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the scotsman and kicked as hard as he could in the balls.The scotsman fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the scotsman stood up and said "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The englishman said "Keep the !@#%#$@#$!@% egg."
Dumb Ideas That Made People Rich! - Whats yours ?
1. Million Dollar Homepage
1000000 pixels, charge a dollar per pixel – that’s perhaps the dumbest idea for online business anyone could have possible come up with. Still, Alex Tew, a 21-year-old who came up with the idea, is now a millionaire.
2. SantaMail
Ok, how’s that for a brilliant idea. Get a postal address at North Pole, Alaska, pretend you are Santa Claus and charge parents 10 bucks for every letter you send to their kids? Well, Byron Reese sent over 200000 letters since the start of the business in 2001, which makes him a couple million dollars richer.
3. Doggles
Create goggles for dogs and sell them online? Boy, this IS the dumbest idea for a business. How in the world did they manage to become millionaires and have shops all over the world with that one? Beyond me.
4. LaserMonks
LaserMonks.com is a for-profit subsidiary of the Cistercian Abbey of Our Lady of Spring Bank, an eight-monk monastery in the hills of Monroe County, 90 miles northwest of Madison. Yeah, real monks refilling your cartridges. Hallelujah! Their 2005 sales were $2.5 million! Praise the Lord.
5. AntennaBalls
You can’t sell antenna ball online. There is no way. And surely it wouldn’t make you rich. But this is exactly what Jason Wall did, and now he is now a millionaire.
6. FitDeck
Create a deck of cards featuring exercise routines, and sell it online for $18.95. Sounds like a disaster idea to me. But former Navy SEAL and fitness instructor Phil Black reported last year sales of $4.7 million. Surely beats what military pays.
7. PositivesDating.Com
How would you like to go on a date with an HIV positive person? Paul Graves and Brandon Koechlin thought that someone would, so they created a dating site for HIV positive folks last year. Projected 2006 sales are $110,000, and the two hope to have 50,000 members by their two-year mark.
8. Designer Diaper Bags
Christie Rein was tired of carrying diapers around in a freezer bag. The 34-year-old mother of three found herself constantly stuffing diapers for her infant son into freezer bags to keep them from getting scrunched up in her purse. Rein wanted something that was compact, sleek and stylish, so in November 2004, she sat down with her husband, Marcus, who helped her design a custom diaper bag that's big enough to hold a travel pack of wipes and two to four diapers. With more than $180,000 in sales for 2005, Christie's company, Diapees & Wipees, has bags in 22 different styles, available online and in 120 boutiques across the globe for $14.99.
9. PickyDomains
Hire another person to think of a cool domain name for you? No way people would pay for this. Actually, naming domain names for others turned out a thriving business, especially, when you make the entire process risk free. PickyDomains currently has a waiting list of people who want to PAY the service to come up with a snappy memorable domain name. PickyDomains is expected to hit six figures this year.
10. Lucky Wishbone Co.
Fake wishbones. Now, this stupid idea is just destined to flop. Who in the world needs FAKE PLASTIC wishbones? A lot of people, it turns out. Now producing 30,000 wishbones daily (they retail for 3 bucks a pop) Ken Ahroni, the company founder, expects 2006 sales to reach $1 million.
1000000 pixels, charge a dollar per pixel – that’s perhaps the dumbest idea for online business anyone could have possible come up with. Still, Alex Tew, a 21-year-old who came up with the idea, is now a millionaire.
2. SantaMail
Ok, how’s that for a brilliant idea. Get a postal address at North Pole, Alaska, pretend you are Santa Claus and charge parents 10 bucks for every letter you send to their kids? Well, Byron Reese sent over 200000 letters since the start of the business in 2001, which makes him a couple million dollars richer.
3. Doggles
Create goggles for dogs and sell them online? Boy, this IS the dumbest idea for a business. How in the world did they manage to become millionaires and have shops all over the world with that one? Beyond me.
4. LaserMonks
LaserMonks.com is a for-profit subsidiary of the Cistercian Abbey of Our Lady of Spring Bank, an eight-monk monastery in the hills of Monroe County, 90 miles northwest of Madison. Yeah, real monks refilling your cartridges. Hallelujah! Their 2005 sales were $2.5 million! Praise the Lord.
5. AntennaBalls
You can’t sell antenna ball online. There is no way. And surely it wouldn’t make you rich. But this is exactly what Jason Wall did, and now he is now a millionaire.
6. FitDeck
Create a deck of cards featuring exercise routines, and sell it online for $18.95. Sounds like a disaster idea to me. But former Navy SEAL and fitness instructor Phil Black reported last year sales of $4.7 million. Surely beats what military pays.
7. PositivesDating.Com
How would you like to go on a date with an HIV positive person? Paul Graves and Brandon Koechlin thought that someone would, so they created a dating site for HIV positive folks last year. Projected 2006 sales are $110,000, and the two hope to have 50,000 members by their two-year mark.
8. Designer Diaper Bags
Christie Rein was tired of carrying diapers around in a freezer bag. The 34-year-old mother of three found herself constantly stuffing diapers for her infant son into freezer bags to keep them from getting scrunched up in her purse. Rein wanted something that was compact, sleek and stylish, so in November 2004, she sat down with her husband, Marcus, who helped her design a custom diaper bag that's big enough to hold a travel pack of wipes and two to four diapers. With more than $180,000 in sales for 2005, Christie's company, Diapees & Wipees, has bags in 22 different styles, available online and in 120 boutiques across the globe for $14.99.
9. PickyDomains
Hire another person to think of a cool domain name for you? No way people would pay for this. Actually, naming domain names for others turned out a thriving business, especially, when you make the entire process risk free. PickyDomains currently has a waiting list of people who want to PAY the service to come up with a snappy memorable domain name. PickyDomains is expected to hit six figures this year.
10. Lucky Wishbone Co.
Fake wishbones. Now, this stupid idea is just destined to flop. Who in the world needs FAKE PLASTIC wishbones? A lot of people, it turns out. Now producing 30,000 wishbones daily (they retail for 3 bucks a pop) Ken Ahroni, the company founder, expects 2006 sales to reach $1 million.
Quick tips for the parents and parents to be...
Strict DOs and DONTs. Dont Call me in case of doubt :-))
Look at the chart below and say the COLOR not the word
YELLOW BLUE ORANGE
BLACK RED GREEN
PURPLE YELLOW RED
ORANGE GREEN BLACK
BLUE RED PURPLE
GREEN BLUE ORANGE
LEFT - RIGHT CONFLICT
Your right brain tries to say the color, but your left brain insists on reading the word.
Coolest Doubt In Mahabharat
In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the
Mahabharat katha to class 6 students.
He is at the krishnajanma' part of it. Masterji: "Kansa heard the
akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him.
He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars.
First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning...
Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one
is born." Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand.
Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)
Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata
then how come u have one?"
Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to
kill him,
WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?
Masterji fainted.........................
Mahabharat katha to class 6 students.
He is at the krishnajanma' part of it. Masterji: "Kansa heard the
akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him.
He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars.
First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning...
Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one
is born." Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand.
Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)
Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata
then how come u have one?"
Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to
kill him,
WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?
Masterji fainted.........................
AWESOME QUOTE I found recently...
They laugh at me because I am different; I laugh at them because they are all the same.
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